I was recently asked:

“You always seem to have good ideas. Maybe you have some suggestions for my problems. I have six kids and three of them have Asperger’s syndrome. They’re fairly high functioning and most of their impairments are in the form of social issues. Mornings are always so hurried as I am constantly reminding one or another for things they need to do in order to get out of the door for school. Can you help?”

Sure. Homeschool.

Seriously, there are always those mornings where nothing seems to go right and when you have multiple children (SIX!!) and more than one of those has special needs (THREE?!?!), those days will happen more often than not. There are strategies to try.

Have “practice” mornings on the weekend or holidays. Tell the children that they are not really going to go to school but you’d like to practice the steps. And then have them practice each step in the process. Wake Up. Go the bathroom. Eat breakfast. Brush teeth. Get dressed, and so on until the morning routine is complete. Line up at the door to head outside and practice the getting into the car routine as well, if necessary. If there are problems, send the child back to step one and begin again. Yes, it is a lot of work but it just might pay off for you in the end and maybe by the next Monday morning.

Children with autism also seem to do well with visual cues. So, on those practice mornings, if possible, take pictures of them accomplishing each task. Have them printed and attach to magnetic backings that you can get at most office supply stores. Using either a white board or your fridge, arrange the photo magnets vertically in order on one side. As the child completes each step (or after the first few steps), he or she can move the magnets to the other side of the designated area called “Completed.” If a child doesn’t look on task, especially when first implementing it, give gentle cues by asking them, “What task are you supposed to be doing? Check your pictures!” Eventually, they will rely less on your prompts and more on the system independently.

You don’t mention how old the children are, but if they’re teenagers and they talk about these being “baby” things, remind them that if they did as they were told, when they were told, they wouldn’t need the system. There really is nothing “baby” about being able to use the system independently anyway.

Here’s another suggestion: Timers. Invest in an egg timer. You can get some really adequate ones at the general dollar type stores. When breakfast is served, set the timer for an appropriate amount of time. Whatever you think is adequate: 10 minutes, 20 minutes, what have you. Tell them that breakfast will only be on the table until the timer dings, and then actually remove the bowls or plates when the timer dings. They’ll learn to stay focused on eating and less on meanderings. Sometimes it’s the other kids that are distracting your special needs kids, too. So this is good for them as well.

If they’re refusing to get dressed on time, offer the choice: get dressed now in a timely manner, or go to school in your pj’s with clothes in a bag (of course, you’d call the school ahead of time and explain the situation to them). There are lots of creative ways of getting kids to follow the routine such as this. Try thinking of “natural” consequences to help reinforce the behavior choice.

For instance, if your children normally take a bus and because the child lollygagged you missed the bus, he or she should be required to pay you back for the gas used to get them to school. If they don’t eat all their breakfast by the time the buzzer goes off, they don’t get extra time to finish it. Let’s face it, it may sound cruel and yes, kids need breakfast for better focus, but in the real world, if they’re on a lunch break, the boss isn’t going to care that he decided the pattern the tabletop had was more interesting than his food and that is why he is late. Since you said your kids’ impairments are more in the social areas of life, then they might not realize how their disrespect for other people’s time is coming across by these actions and this is a good way to teach them that lesson.

Don’t get into a debate with the kids over these enforcers. Remind them that they made the choice by choosing their behavior. You’re just in charge; they’re in control. This will, overtime, make them more accountable for their actions. And they’ll have no one to blame but themselves! And if they start making good choices (which they will), then they can be proud of themselves as well.