I am lucky enough to work as my own nephew’s aide in his fourth grade classroom. He has autism.  For the purposes of this article, we will call him “Leo”.  His ability to affect the community around him in a positive way astounds me.  He is the strongest person I know, and I’m thankful for the time spent with him these past 8 years. 

One morning, the classroom teacher and I overheard a few kids having Leo repeat inappropriate words for their own enjoyment.  He would say it, and they would laugh.  One child in particular was the instigator, and this was the third (and the most obvious) incident in a month.  I had been watching him very closely, and mentioned to the teacher that he was starting to test his boundaries with Leo.

The teacher spoke to the children while Leo and I did homework in the library.  She explained that Leo’s brain worked differently and that by manipulating him into saying things he didn’t understand, they were bullying him.  The kids felt terrible, and the child who had been the instigator felt awful.  These are NOT bad kids.  They just needed a little guidance. We could have left it at that, but we didn’t.  We saw the opportunity to begin to transfer responsibility to each and every one of them for bullying that was happening to anyone in their community.

Then one of the children said, “I know that Leo has autism.  What is autism?” 

We had never given Leo the label, and so had never given it to the kids in his class. I called my sister and suggested we take this opportunity to address it. We thought: How can we take this to the next level?  How can we get the kids to start taking responsibility for bullying and teach them to trust their own instincts about what is right and wrong? 

We set up an envelope in the classroom and the kids were encouraged to write any questions they had (anonymously or not) whenever they had them.  We collected the questions over a few weeks and took our time in answering them.  

The following questions are in the fourth grader’s own words.  You can see how thoughtful and intelligent these kids are.  By sharing answers with them and sending the answers home in a handout home to their parents, we’ve seen a difference in how they relate to Leo and each other.  These kids could teach a few adults I know a lesson

I hope the following provides some inspiration for you:

Are we supposed to treat Leo the same or not?  

In most cases, Leo should be treated like everyone else; with respect and compassion.  But use your instincts:  if you can see that he may be struggling with something, maybe there is something that you or a teacher can do to help him.

Does Leo know that he has problems?  

Of course!  We all do, right?  It’s the same as when you are having a hard time with something.  Can you think of something that is hard for you?  Math?  Sports?  Most of us know when we are having problems, we just may not always talk about it.

Why does Leo’s brain work differently than everyone else’s?  

We don’t really know why Leo’s brain works differently, but scientists are working hard to find out.  How does your brain work?  Is it easier for you to learn something if you:  See it?  Hear it? Write it?  Getting to know your own brain and body can be really useful as you get older.

What is autism?  

Autism is a label that was given to Leo when he was 2 years old to describe the differences in his brain and the way it processes information.  Lots of kids have autism, but it is not contagious; you are either born with it or you’re not.  Many famous people are said to have had some sort of autism like Albert Einstein, Bill Gates and Sir Issac Newton.  Ask your parents who those guys are if you don’t know…they did some pretty amazing stuff!

Are we taking advantage of Leo when we tell him to do inappropriate stuff?  

Yes.  This is definitely a form of bullying, which you may not have realized.  But now you know, and you are responsible to treat it as bullying if you see it happen to Leo or anyone else in our community.

Why couldn’t Leo be in the classroom while we were singing?  

Leo’s ears are quite sensitive.  You may see him holding them sometimes.  It used to be that the sound of everyone singing was too much for Leo’s brain to integrate.  But now, singing is one of Leo’s favourite things to do at school!   One of the most amazing things about Leo is how hard he works to overcome obstacles.  He never gives up.

Will Leo ever realize that he’s different than us?  

Leo is a very smart kid and sometimes feels different.  Do you ever feel different?  The best thing we can do for anyone in our community is accept and celebrate our differences; its part of learning and growing.

Will Leo be special for his whole life?  Will Leo ever not have the problem?   

Everyone has problems, and Leo will always have his.  But Leo’s ability to change his brain is amazing!  When you get home tonight, look up “neuroplasticity” in the dictionary.  It means that the brain is constantly growing and changing which means that anything is possible!  Most of us learn from the people around us, so in a way, we are all helping each other’s brains change and grow.

What kind of problems does Leo have?  What is the problem with Leo’s brain? If Leo has a different brain than us, how does it work?  

We all use our five senses to take in information about our surroundings.  The information goes to the brain, which processes the information and sends it back to the body to tell the body what to do.  Leo’s brain takes in information through his 5 senses, but may take them in faster or slower than some other people.  Sometimes, this is a great thing: Leo has an amazing memory:  he can look at a word once and remember how to spell it!  Sometimes, it makes things harder for him because it can be too much information all at once, and it can be over-stimulating.

What is the problem with Leo’s ears?  

Leo’s ears are very sensitive.  We’re not sure exactly why, but Leo seems to take in too much information with his ears.  Sometimes, it may even be painful for him, which is why Leo doesn’t like fire drills.

Does Leo see things in his head that we don’t see? 

I don’t think so.

Why does Leo say random words sometimes?  

Leo has an amazing memory; he remembers every movie he’s ever seen….sometimes word for word!  If he gets distracted, these words sometimes pop into his head and he may even say them out loud. 

Does Leo like skating?  

I don’t know…ask him!

Why does Leo get special breaks?  

Leo doesn’t really need to take many breaks anymore.  The only breaks he takes now are to do his homework, or to work with his tutor.  Do any of you have tutors?

When Leo was younger, was the problem better or worse?  

Those of you who have known Leo for a long time might remember how hard school was for him in the beginning.  But now, Leo is doing amazing.  He has some of the best marks in the grade in spelling, french, and math.  Do you remember  how hard gym used to be for Leo?  Now it’s his favourite period!

Does Leo know he has autism?  

We don’t really use the label of autism, so neither does Leo.  It’s not a bad word, but it isn’t specific enough; using that label doesn’t really help Leo ask for what he needs.  He typically addresses each challenge separately, and it makes it easier to overcome.

When are Leo’s parents going to tell him that he has a problem?  

Leo talks to his parents about his problems all of the time.  For now, they don’t feel the need to use a label of any kind.